Read this in whispered distress

The ghost is not gone. She is haunting me. You know the ghost I mentioned in previous blogs that lies within myself. She RUNS from relationships. Physically RUNS. I tried to be brave. I tried to end it. I said the words. But here you are, as if I’m in heat, chasing me through the dang store. I liked to be chased. Not necessarily by someone I told not to chase me… Thank goodness I have a sister who will put on a show with me last minute as I call her in whispered distress. ‘I need you to stay on the phone with me… if I say the word sunflower, I want you act out a level 10 emergency and I will put on my best fake nurse performance and run to the car’. I shouldn’t of chose today to claim my free kind bar with my coupon… gluttony got the best of me. I won’t make that mistake again.

Code word for code red

I did a bad thing. I played hot and cold with you. It’s a little game people play when they aren’t too interested in you but they give you attention here and there to string you along in case they get bored… I shouldn’t have done that. I know that now. I tried to correct it by being blunt and telling you how I felt. Yet here you are still pawing at the hem of my skirt as if I never left. Why? Word of advice, if the faucet is running hot and cold, SHUT. IT. OFF. Do not entertain someone who is playing games with you. This is your life, not a game. If they are entertaining multiple people SHUT. IT. OFF.

Why did I need this?

You don’t have to be rude about it, just politely decline anymore advances and show yourself some respect. Women are attracted to people who love themselves, respect themselves, have values and standards. When you pursue someone who has made it clear they aren’t interested in you, then you are giving them permission to use and lose you. Don’t be that person. I’m sorry I was that person to you, I’m still growing myself and will heed my own advice.

That ghost came to protect me from things like this. She has seen this before and knows EXACTLY how this goes. So she helps me disappear before the crazy comes to get me. I attract crazy… or maybe I create it? They don’t start out that way. But they end that way. It’s a mystery to me but for right now I’ll let my sympathetic nervous system take over. My heart is currently trying to escape to walls that enclose it as I run frantically through the market like an animated cartoon character with James Bond moves. Weaving in and out of aisles, and hiding behind cereal boxes.

Too much estrogen in here

Four females in one house… FOUR! Let it be known now that I used to pray for 10 kids and I wanted all girls. What I didn’t know I was getting at the time was all my dang clothes missing. Where’s my makeup kids? Has anyone seen the hairbrush? Why are you crying… why are you angry? What emotion is that?! Is that fingernail polish on the mirror? Oh honey, those are waxing strips not stickers, eeekkk!

Ignore the fire alarm on the wall… I smashed it with a hammer.

My washer malfunctioned last week and so on Sunday when my amazing self fixed her right up I did TEN loads of laundry! Ten loads and this morning I wake up to not 1 but all my kids prancing around in my clothes.

The kid told me to buy those pajama shorts cause they made me look like Kim Kardashian… I see your trickery kid… well played 😑

You may think well you have little Maleah and she into sports and picks up hulk mask at stores to chase people around, almost all her friends are boys and she’d be the first to tackle anyone messing with her but the girl has an extreme feminine side. She cries while watching full house, loves to model and has a very nurturing personality! Don’t let her fool you, I’ve seen her scavenging through my stuff… nothing is safe here.

Look at that sweet ball of emotions 😭

And who the heck is this Jo Jo chick with the big bows? Why do we need all her stuff and why does it all look like something the 80’s puked on? Kali, on the other end of the spectrum wants all this Billie Eilish crap, blue hair, baggy clothes… mom can I get my nose pierced… no ma’am. Then I get the clap back, well you have your nose pierced! You don’t want to have this fight with me kid. You won’t win.

We comprised on a Jo Jo bow that wouldn’t push her head off her neck.

I couldn’t tell you if boys are any easier because I have none. However I grew up with 6 brothers and I feel like I escaped death on a daily basis. A friend of mine has boys and has sent some photos of daily activities like climbing up trees and sorts, it gives me angina… go on girls, you go right ahead and paint that bathroom mirror to match your toes, I’m cool with it now.

Thanks for reading my morning mom rant. I know I’ll miss these days when they are off to college, living their adult lives… or perhaps I’ll be sitting on the beach writing a novel without the worry of the neighbors calling the police for a domestic violence dispute over the screaming sounds of little children fighting over who was looking at who first. That was the longest sentence I’ve ever wrote.

How to create you own adventures

Bored. Oh good lord, why the heck are you bored? There are so many things to do out there! People make excuses for not having adventure in their lives but that’s what they are excuses. Maybe you feel you work too much, don’t have extra time to go rock climbing or sit in an art class? I’ve heard it all.

I too have a full time job, I have 3 kids and responsibilities but I also find adventure throughout everyday. I work in a skilled nursing facility so I bet you’re thinking what kind of adventure lies there right? Well pal, you’re talking to a chick who challenged a elderly lady in a wheelchair to a race… and WON! I also had a fake wedding with a confused man who noticed I wasn’t wearing a wedding band and asked me to be his wife… the things I do to keep the peace. Last night I convinced my kids I was a real witch and had a ceremony initiating each of them into my coven. We’re the nightingale witches now, in case you’re wondering.

Adventure is all around you. Find it, create it, live it.

It’s Saturday morning, I’ve been up since my internal alarm clock went off at 5. I’ve already thought of the possibilities the day awaits, invited a friend to be hypnotized with me, woke my grumpy ex husband up so I could plan my day better, watched a ted talk and a clip from Debbi’s design diary, thought about going to the gym then put my yoga shorts on and thought… erhm maybe not. Whatever my plans are for the day you can bet I won’t be bored.

Tip #1 do something different. Stop trying to be that picture perfect southern girl who wears the monogrammed shirts with leggings and cowgirl boots. Yes, Karen with the big hair, I’m talking about you. No one cares what your initials are except stalkers and people from ancestry.com, is that really the crowd you’re trying to attract? Think about things you haven’t done before, new hiking routes, festivals, play games in your everyday life. I once had my kids all draw a name from a cup, whichever name they chose they got to pick the outfit for that person from goodwill under $10 and then they had to wear it while we went bowling. I was hoping they’d stuff me in a wedding gown similar to Miss Havisham’s from great expectations but what they chose was even better! Shoulder pads for days.

Tip #2 Be willing to leave your comfort zone. This one is tough. We’ve created a bubble where staying in and watching Netflix in our jammies, while eating slim Jim’s is the new norm. Come on folks, watching other people live their lives is no adventure. Get off the couch, dust that powdered sugar off your shirt and do something! I have an idea, go outside right now, grab the garden hose and spray your self in the face… did that wake you up? Pull you out of zombie mode? Cool. Now pull up your events page on Facebook. Click the this weekend button and choose something weird, something you wouldn’t normally do. Do it.

Tip #3 Enhance your social circle. Find friends that are extroverts and cling to them, these are the ones who will be down for anything spontaneous. Also, find friends who are introverts, these ones will have the cool ideas for what your doing next. Yes those quiet people who keep to themselves, they have the best personalities once you break down their wall and take them hostage as your friend (that’s pretty much the only way to establish friendship with them in my experience). Get you a Jew too. Jews are frickin awesome. Your social circle is going to be a big part in this adventure.

Tip #4 Have you a baby. Okay this one may not be for everyone, but man is that an adventure all on its own. If you can’t have kids or are waiting until a later time, get you a pet. Like a goat, goat yoga is a thing now. This creates a bond between another soul in this life that is unique. It’s unlike the friendships you share, this relationship will be one where you give everything you’ve got and not expect a thing in return. This is a humbling adventure, one where you’ll discover a different side of yourself that you didn’t know existed.

I’m off to my next adventure, take these words to heart and get out there to create your own!