Murphy’s Law

Murphy’s law is a cute nickname my kids have gifted to me, especially on vacations. I secretly love it. Kali, my 13 year old, says what’s weird is that when things go wrong like way wrong, I laugh about it. Yeah, I guess I do. Why not? I think it’s funny that crazy weird stuff happens… I’m the person who tries not to laugh when you trip in public but I am also the person that would help you up. Balance baby.

The girls have already started in on chanting “Murphy’s law” this fall break. Mind you, last fall break beat the books for all my cursed vacations. We were scheduled for a beach trip which at last minute we had to cancel and rebook for another beach because the red tide showed up, we arrived at the new beach and upon booking we were evacuated for a hurricane… decided to then drive to North Carolina to flee the hurricane where we were met with a tornado. It was like a sequel to final destination.

This time around we booked a tipee and vintage camper for our fall break just outside Gatlinburg. Little did I know my girls have never been camping in their lives. They were terrified. I had 3 kids stacked on top of me during the night, spooked about every little noise in the woods, and spiders… no ma’am. I made a fire around 4am to keep us warm and get some water boiling. A dog who lived on the camp site loved to run full speed at us anytime he heard us going to the outhouse. Full speed. Pitch black night, 7 year old walking in the woods, full speed running dog. She thought we were being attacked by a bear and clinged for dear life against my leg. There was also a kid on the site. He wore a black suit. In the woods. I didn’t have a good feeling about that… why was he wearing a suit?!

We left early morning and headed to their dad and stepmoms hotel to brush our teeth and get ready for the day. I decided that camping is clearly out of their comfort zone and since it’s vacation for these ladies it should be fun. So I cut my losses and rented a cottage instead. The kids have never been so grateful for running water and electricity in their lives!

We are settling into the new place. I even made breakfast this morning! And I only dropped the food ONCE. Tonia made it in late last night and after a night in the woods I barely had the strength to greet her while I was sunken into my memory foam mattress hahaha. I’m hoping the curse of Murphy’s law that follows me so closely will be lifted for the remainder of our vacation,and if not it will make for a great story 😉

Motherhood Madness

Breakfast is free at my kids school. It. Is. Free. I don’t like to make myself something early in the morning when they haven’t gone to school yet. So I usually wait or pick something up on the way to work. However this morning I want to make it to work on time and I prefer not to be hungry so I pop some quick cinnamon rolls in the oven for the girls while starting some simple eggs and toast for myself. The girls venture into the kitchen like little birds, mouths wide open, stumbling around and touching EVERYTHING. Of course they want what I have instead. Of course. I make more eggs. My niece is dropped off as her dad heads to work. I make more eggs.

Toast? I’ve made 10 pieces of toast this morning. Where’s the butter? I just sat the butter on the table… *opens fridge, pulls butter back out for the 2nd time*. Maleah (age 9) is fast walking around the kitchen as if she has places to be, grabs the butter and yells, “WHO KEEPS LEAVING THE BUTTER OUT!” Me kid. It is I.. the butter bandit. I’ve pulled out all the bells and whistles for the perfect ‘mom makes breakfast before school picture’. You know, paper bowels and plastic utensils, perfect for clean up 😉. But do my kids use them? No ma’am. They are savages. Straight up savages.

That toast ain’t even got a plate man

Remember those cinnamon rolls I popped in the oven at the beginning. They’re done now but no one is touching them. I ask my teenage daughter if she’s going to have one? She says, “No I only like cinnamon rolls made from scratch, not a can”… so now I’m looking around trying to figure out where in the Betty Crocker hell this chick thinks she was raised! Whose mom has been making you cinnamon rolls from scratch? Huh? Tell her to pull up and we’ll have a pancake challenge! I have a big spatula and can flip 2 pancakes at a time ✌🏼.

Straight from the can

With all the little bellies full, I start in on the pre school interrogation. “Do you have your teeth brushed, where’s your shoes, hair… fix your hair, grab the back packs, has anyone fed the dog?”…. “Mom, the dog killed a possum!” Kali says all panicked. “Well don’t give him any wet food today, just the dry food since he is already getting his wet food elsewhere today”. Kali looks at me horrified. *blink, blink* where do you think that wet food comes from kid?

The madness of motherhood is doing the same things over and over, expecting a different result, only to find the butter has been placed back in the fridge for the 4th time in less than an hour. Over and out.

Four year old grown up

Mornings are the busiest part of our day.  As I rush around reminding each kid of what they have left to do to get ready, I try to do various house chores.  I usually clean when I come home from work or school but throughout the night the kids get up and roam through the kitchen, Hailee may have an accident and change clothes, they secretly create a fort… whatever the case, there is always more work in the morning! A few days ago while we were in our morning rush my 4 year old daughter Hailee decided to change her clothes and leave them in the floor.  Fet up, I told her that she needed to pick her clothes up and walk them to the laundry hamper.  Then I continued to lecture her about how she needed to start taking care of herself because no one was going to clean up after her when she got older hahaha, I realize now how crazy I sound.  Well it turned out that Hailee took my words to heart.  Yesterday she made her own lunch, cleaned up her own messes all day and then she decided to make me dinner.

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She calls it lettuce soup.  It has celery, fruit loops, and milk in it.  She stood there with this super excited face just waiting for me to take a bite. So I did, I really did.  Oh my goodness, the things we do to make our children happy.  Needless to say, I won’t be giving Hailee anymore lectures until she learns her way around the kitchen.

Top of the Morning

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I’ve  ended the holiday break with a bang! My sister and I were looking into things to do to bring in the New Year.  She wanted to find a dance or something to meet other singles but I suggested we do something for us.  Screw men, I want to focus on my happiness and do something new! As I brainstormed about it I came up with an idea that we should go to one of those painting classes.  Neither of us had ever been and I loved the idea of starting the New Year not only doing something new but creating something new! I had so much fun.  I sang and danced most of the night while painting and at the end they told me I had won the spirit award for having so much pep HA!  I didn’t even know there was a contest!  Even though the drive home almost killed me, seeing as my bedtime is strictly 8pm, I had a great night out which doesn’t happen often.  Turns out my kids ended up painting at theirs dads house New Years Eve as well, what are the odds?!

My sister is back home, and life as we know it has continued.  With the girls being back in school and me being at work I’m not so stressed anymore.  I know it sounds silly to get worked up over not having anything to do but I’m a busy body so being idle throws me into panic mode.  Don’t get me wrong I love to sit in “my chair” at home, we all have our special chairs we like to sit in, but I can’t watch TV without making a hat or have a morning cup of Joe without writing a blog post.  Welp, top of the mornin’ to you!  Tally Ho!

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Keith Urban on my lunch break

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Today I had to drive my sister to Nashville so she could fly back to California.  I usually only go to Nashville for my tattoo removal every two months.  Last time I was there my plastic surgeon suggested a cute coffee shop slash breakfast joint.  I took my 3 girls to get lunch there and as we waited for our food in walks the drop dead gorgeous Keith Urban with his daughters.  I sat there trying to pretend I didn’t notice him, you know so I didn’t seem like a crazy fan girl… but inside I was singing my heart out to “blue ain’t your color”.  He chose the table directly next to mine and I may have squealed a little on the inside.  Of course this would happen on the one day of the year I decided not to wear makeup or fix my hair!!! He was so kind to his daughters, and after their sweet lunch he bused his own table and walked his plates to the kitchen…. which I didn’t even do!  On his way out he grabbed a few napkins and handed them to me and I squealed out a thank you.  I was too much of a coward to ask for an autograph or picture, and I didn’t want to interrupt his meal with his kiddos but he made my day with his manners.  Gives me hope that real gentlemen still exist no matter how successful they become.  By the way I didn’t save the napkin hahaha I took a picture and then my daughter wiped her mouth with it.

We are finishing our fun day by having a Harry Potter marathon with homemade popcorn and our favorite PJ’s.   This has been a great holiday break!