“That perfect Broken part of me”

I’ve always been a lover of broken things. I could enter a store and see all of these perfect pieces and the one thing I’m drawn to is the only thing tarnished, broken, unique. Sometimes I try to fix it or keep it just the way it is admiring the beauty of the imperfections. I think we spend too much time looking for the perfect thing, place, person, life… when life is perfect imperfect. Maybe the obsession with that picture perfect life is an association with cleanliness. When I think perfect I think clean. Clean is peaceful. Broken things can be clean.

I haven’t posted in my blog for almost a week. My goal was to do daily updates, but this past week I have made a dozen drafts and withheld publishing any of them. I’m saving them for later. I think one of the most helpful things to do in times of trial is to write them down, get it out on paper or type it out, as long as it is out of you. Removing that energy you want to rid yourself of.

This past week I took some time to myself to try to alleviate a decision I’ve made. I know it’s the right decision but it doesn’t make it any easier. I took a spontaneous trip to the middle of no where to visit with nature, old cars, good people and creepy baby dolls. It’s called old car city in Georgia. When I saw pictures online I imagined this place being packed with people and hoped I’d make it early enough to have some space to myself. I stayed most of the day and to my surprise the place was desolate. Imagine taking a trip to an abandon amusement park and having the place to yourself, that’s what this paradise was like. I shared the wooded area with only the creatures within, saw squirrels and a deer between the haunted vehicles. The untouched cars had trees growing inside of them along with the debris of the forest. It was incredible!

My sister flew home over the weekend for a final visit before she deploys. She is soaking up every minute with my girls and spending the days with my mom, siblings, and friends while she is home. We went to the pumpkin patch on opening day and played on all the attractions like little kids, went on a hayride to retrieve our pumpkins, roasted hot dogs and marshmallows over a bon fire before getting lost in a corn maze at night. I felt like I was on vacation as well. I’m working towards a schedule that will allow me to have more time home with my family. Time is important to me and spending it slaving the days away from my littles isn’t optimal. I miss this. Sometimes when I sit back and take a good long hard breath and look at the bigger picture I feel the best part of me is not being projected in the right places. I’m going to change that.

One of my favorite quotes is from Dieter F. Uchtdorf, he says, “We would do well to slow down a little focus on the significant & truly see the things that matter most”. I believe that. If we stay so busy that we miss those significant things in our lives then we are far busier than God intended us to be. I was able to accomplish several things I put off for months in one extended weekend I took off work. The dresser I rescued months ago has a new life now, my daughter has a new hair cut, my house is feeling more like home again and my time with my girls feels renewed.

I felt guilty for wanting time for myself this week. I spent the first few days worrying about all the people who would be upset of my absence. But the more time I had to reflect on things I realized I wasn’t just wanting time for myself but I needed it! There is nothing more important than self care, if you don’t take time to care for yourself you CANNOT care for others. I am blessed to have people in my life that respect that and allowed me this peaceful break! You all rock 😉

My Bathroom Fiasco

I thought demolition would be the hard part.  Man oh man was I wrong!  It took us a good four hours ripping my surround shower tub combo out. We used different saws and hammers to break it apart and then carried it out in chunks. The guys helping me capped the water off so that I’d still be able to use the sink and what not.  Let me state this now,  if you haven’t followed my previous blog we are all winging this!  None of us have ever redone a bath before and we have been prepping ourselves with YouTube videos and advice from people we meet!  On that note, my ex husband does drywall for a living and offered to handle that part.  He is also a compulsive liar and it’s rare for him to follow through with anything he says.  Thursday was our demolition day, my ex was supposed to drywall Friday, and then Saturday we would tile.  It’s Monday morning and here I sit staring at the unfinished wall in my bathroom.

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I’ve decided that after my morning class I am going to come back home and finish the job myself.  Heck, I watched him do it… he measured the wall, cut the hardie board with a razor and then screwed it to the wall, how hard could it be?  That’s only one of my dilemmas.  The other dilemma is that facet.  I think the guys helping me rigged it in the bathtub because it is not holding up well.

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It’s not centered and there is a big gap between the tub and the facet. I’m having a mini stroke just seeing it, and imagining how in the world we are going to fix it. If ANYONE, ANYWHERE has advice for me I would greatly appreciate it!!!

Bathroom renovation

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Do you see that awful blue bath tub?  That’s my only bath tub and after 50 years in has finally given way and cracked at the bottom.   As you know I’m a single mom so paying someone to replace the tub is too expensive for my tight budget.   I had a lowes contractor come out and give me a quote on the labor which was $5,000…. um yikes!!!  The bathtub I found to replace it only cost $300 so that means if I can tear this thing out and replace it using YouTube videos I’d save money that I don’t have to spend.   I know it’s an awful idea but it’s pretty much my only option.   My friend Jacob offered to help although he has never done this before either.   Any help would be greatly appreciated!!! I spent my Saturday looking at tile because Jacob has a tile cutter and said we could easily do the shower walls with that.  We found this amazing place in Crossville, TN that will sale pallets of tile for $35 bucks!  The employees that worked there were super chill and offered to give me a great deal on this tile I liked for 10 cents each.  I hit the jackpot!  I’m going to spend the next few weeks researching out how to do this project and then update how it went.