Dear elf on the shelf, I hate you.

I did the elf on the shelve one year for my kids. I thought it would be a fun time for the kids, so I Pinterest all the fun things to do and went through the motions. I hated it. Every. Single. Day. I hated it. Just call me Mr. Grinch. I hid the little doll and pretended it had to rotate families each year so it could visit all the kids. I even went as far as saying that Santa already made his list out and the elf only visits those people who aren’t on the nice list yet. I thought I got away with it too. Sleeping in every day. Minding my own business, wrapping my own gifts. Then it happened. My mom took my kids shopping this weekend and the smallest kid returned with a new elf.

I side barred my mom and told her I hated that stupid elf. That there was no way I could have that manic in my house again, it gets in all my stuff and leaves me exhausted throughout the holiday. It’s as bad as being married again, no thanks. “We already bought it.” Mom said. 😫. My oldest daughter happily joined the side bar and assumed responsibility for this elf. Fine. I’ve watched Kali night after night arrange this elf better than I ever could. The little girls run out every morning searching for it and giggling after the mischief. I still don’t like the elf but I love seeing the girls happy and Kali enjoys doing it so it’s a win, win in my book. Until one morning when I didn’t see it. Scared the butter right out of me. Literally. I dropped my toast and the elf went tumbling, the girls crying and me apologizing to Santa. Ah, the holidays are right on track.

This morning I woke to find the elf in the same place. I thought, oh Kali forgot to move it. I went to move the thing. As I got closer I noticed a letter:

There’s a strategy I haven’t thought of!

Kali is a smart kid. Using the elf to control the other kids… genius. She sounds like a mini mom. I love it. I can’t wait to wake her up this morning and give her smiling secret eyes that say, “now you know, now you know why I hate this elf business hahaha”. Both younger girls have already visited the elf this morning and promised to be in bed earlier tonight. Genius. Maybe the elf will disappear again next year, maybe Kali will keep this going, who knows. As for now, I’m enjoying this delegated responsibility of maintaining the elf from a distance. This probably doesn’t align with my goals of being one of those cookie cutter moms but we all knew I’d never reach that status anyways so I’m cool with it.

Winter is coming, Scrooge this!

It was a cold winter morning, except it was fall. I had cracked the front door to spy on the yard. A thin blanket of snow snuggled the grass into the dirt, and I felt the cool air push passed the door to assault my face. I decided to make a run for it. The power bar on my phone blinked heavily for some juice. I took a deep breath, barefoot and all, to retrieve my phone charger from the car. The prickly baby ice chips tortured my princess feet. And I thought for a moment this might be how frostbite and I meet.

Enough with the riddles, enough with the rhymes… it’s just something I’m rambling to pass the time. School has been delayed 2 hours at least and I am standing in front of the stove playing hop scotch with my feet. This can’t be real, it can’t be right. It wasn’t like this just the other night. It must have been the time change that happens twice a year. Maybe the clock tower had too many beers.

The kids are happy and filled with cheer, but as for me, I always hate this time of year. The giggles and laughter don’t bother me much, it’s the lack of sunlight and fairies and such. I like to be warm and feel free in my clothes. This winter advisor has me snuggled up tight and putting on shows. I finally see how the grinch could be mean, because nothing about this makes me beam. Bah! Humbug!