The ghost is not gone. She is haunting me. You know the ghost I mentioned in previous blogs that lies within myself. She RUNS from relationships. Physically RUNS. I tried to be brave. I tried to end it. I said the words. But here you are, as if I’m in heat, chasing me through the dang store. I liked to be chased. Not necessarily by someone I told not to chase me… Thank goodness I have a sister who will put on a show with me last minute as I call her in whispered distress. ‘I need you to stay on the phone with me… if I say the word sunflower, I want you act out a level 10 emergency and I will put on my best fake nurse performance and run to the car’. I shouldn’t of chose today to claim my free kind bar with my coupon… gluttony got the best of me. I won’t make that mistake again.
I did a bad thing. I played hot and cold with you. It’s a little game people play when they aren’t too interested in you but they give you attention here and there to string you along in case they get bored… I shouldn’t have done that. I know that now. I tried to correct it by being blunt and telling you how I felt. Yet here you are still pawing at the hem of my skirt as if I never left. Why? Word of advice, if the faucet is running hot and cold, SHUT. IT. OFF. Do not entertain someone who is playing games with you. This is your life, not a game. If they are entertaining multiple people SHUT. IT. OFF.
You don’t have to be rude about it, just politely decline anymore advances and show yourself some respect. Women are attracted to people who love themselves, respect themselves, have values and standards. When you pursue someone who has made it clear they aren’t interested in you, then you are giving them permission to use and lose you. Don’t be that person. I’m sorry I was that person to you, I’m still growing myself and will heed my own advice.
That ghost came to protect me from things like this. She has seen this before and knows EXACTLY how this goes. So she helps me disappear before the crazy comes to get me. I attract crazy… or maybe I create it? They don’t start out that way. But they end that way. It’s a mystery to me but for right now I’ll let my sympathetic nervous system take over. My heart is currently trying to escape to walls that enclose it as I run frantically through the market like an animated cartoon character with James Bond moves. Weaving in and out of aisles, and hiding behind cereal boxes.
My kids love to create stories. I often wake up to small drawings such as the deathly hollows symbol above, as they like to take the drawings and create another story. My favorite thing to do with my kids is to let them hear new music. Instrumental music from movie soundtracks are our favorites! We take the long way home every time we fall in love with a new song. Each of us take turns telling a story to what we see with the music. They have become experts at creating these elaborate short stories! So I have decided, this is the year I write their stories down! I want to make a book for them to keep. I’ve never done this before and I’m sure I’ll have to have someone proof read and edit it but I’m excited! To me it doesn’t matter if these books sale or go big, I am doing this for my girls. I want them to always remember and cherish our time spent together.
I thought demolition would be the hard part. Man oh man was I wrong! It took us a good four hours ripping my surround shower tub combo out. We used different saws and hammers to break it apart and then carried it out in chunks. The guys helping me capped the water off so that I’d still be able to use the sink and what not. Let me state this now, if you haven’t followed my previous blog we are all winging this! None of us have ever redone a bath before and we have been prepping ourselves with YouTube videos and advice from people we meet! On that note, my ex husband does drywall for a living and offered to handle that part. He is also a compulsive liar and it’s rare for him to follow through with anything he says. Thursday was our demolition day, my ex was supposed to drywall Friday, and then Saturday we would tile. It’s Monday morning and here I sit staring at the unfinished wall in my bathroom.
I’ve decided that after my morning class I am going to come back home and finish the job myself. Heck, I watched him do it… he measured the wall, cut the hardie board with a razor and then screwed it to the wall, how hard could it be? That’s only one of my dilemmas. The other dilemma is that facet. I think the guys helping me rigged it in the bathtub because it is not holding up well.
It’s not centered and there is a big gap between the tub and the facet. I’m having a mini stroke just seeing it, and imagining how in the world we are going to fix it. If ANYONE, ANYWHERE has advice for me I would greatly appreciate it!!!
Do you see that awful blue bath tub? That’s my only bath tub and after 50 years in has finally given way and cracked at the bottom. As you know I’m a single mom so paying someone to replace the tub is too expensive for my tight budget. I had a lowes contractor come out and give me a quote on the labor which was $5,000…. um yikes!!! The bathtub I found to replace it only cost $300 so that means if I can tear this thing out and replace it using YouTube videos I’d save money that I don’t have to spend. I know it’s an awful idea but it’s pretty much my only option. My friend Jacob offered to help although he has never done this before either. Any help would be greatly appreciated!!! I spent my Saturday looking at tile because Jacob has a tile cutter and said we could easily do the shower walls with that. We found this amazing place in Crossville, TN that will sale pallets of tile for $35 bucks! The employees that worked there were super chill and offered to give me a great deal on this tile I liked for 10 cents each. I hit the jackpot! I’m going to spend the next few weeks researching out how to do this project and then update how it went.