Read this in whispered distress

The ghost is not gone. She is haunting me. You know the ghost I mentioned in previous blogs that lies within myself. She RUNS from relationships. Physically RUNS. I tried to be brave. I tried to end it. I said the words. But here you are, as if I’m in heat, chasing me through the dang store. I liked to be chased. Not necessarily by someone I told not to chase me… Thank goodness I have a sister who will put on a show with me last minute as I call her in whispered distress. ‘I need you to stay on the phone with me… if I say the word sunflower, I want you act out a level 10 emergency and I will put on my best fake nurse performance and run to the car’. I shouldn’t of chose today to claim my free kind bar with my coupon… gluttony got the best of me. I won’t make that mistake again.

Code word for code red

I did a bad thing. I played hot and cold with you. It’s a little game people play when they aren’t too interested in you but they give you attention here and there to string you along in case they get bored… I shouldn’t have done that. I know that now. I tried to correct it by being blunt and telling you how I felt. Yet here you are still pawing at the hem of my skirt as if I never left. Why? Word of advice, if the faucet is running hot and cold, SHUT. IT. OFF. Do not entertain someone who is playing games with you. This is your life, not a game. If they are entertaining multiple people SHUT. IT. OFF.

Why did I need this?

You don’t have to be rude about it, just politely decline anymore advances and show yourself some respect. Women are attracted to people who love themselves, respect themselves, have values and standards. When you pursue someone who has made it clear they aren’t interested in you, then you are giving them permission to use and lose you. Don’t be that person. I’m sorry I was that person to you, I’m still growing myself and will heed my own advice.

That ghost came to protect me from things like this. She has seen this before and knows EXACTLY how this goes. So she helps me disappear before the crazy comes to get me. I attract crazy… or maybe I create it? They don’t start out that way. But they end that way. It’s a mystery to me but for right now I’ll let my sympathetic nervous system take over. My heart is currently trying to escape to walls that enclose it as I run frantically through the market like an animated cartoon character with James Bond moves. Weaving in and out of aisles, and hiding behind cereal boxes.

I don’t know Spanish

I’ve been the secret owner of a page online for a while now. I didn’t know when I created it that it was public. I created it as somewhere to keep inspirational quotes for myself and then when I logged onto Facebook one day I noticed people were liking and sharing my post that I thought at the time were private. How did you even find me?

I invited my sister and best friend to help manage it because the followers exceeded what I felt I could manage. Several thousand people in what seems like a blink of an eye. Woot woot, people like these quotes as much as I do! As the number continues on an upward trend my friend who speaks Spanish as a second language and sister as well, decided to create the same page in Spanish to support the Spanish speaking people who are interested in gospel quotes as well. Let me be clear, I do not speak Spanish. I’m pretty sure I failed that class in high school. However, I’m still doing it. I decided to try and use google translate to convert some of our quotes to the Spanish page… what I did not know is that there is not an exact way to translate word for word. You must say it in a different way… so I was trying to say, ‘Help is a prayer away’ short and simply, I thought good start. Small baby steps!

My friend texted me and said, ‘That quote translates to ‘Help is the distance of a prayer’… crikey 😱. What. The. Heck. Google, you have let me down.

I compete with myself a lot, any little failure pushes me 10x harder to succeed. So now I’m on a mission to learn Spanish, on top of everything else I’m trying to accomplish in my life. I may need to bust out the dear friend I keep in the closet, Mrs. Rosetta Stone. I’m going to try practicing my Spanish on the dementia patients at work who are Spanish speaking, that way if I mess up they’ll forget in a few minutes and I can try again! Thomas S. Monson said, “one of God’s greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again”. That seems to happen frequently with me, means God keeps giving me the greatest gift… I must be his favorite.

A few years ago I was at a YSA get together, we were watching general conference and I was typing up quotes and posting them as fast as I could hear them so I wouldn’t forget. A guy there was scrolling Facebook at the time and made a comment about how fast the lds page was posting quotes. I didn’t tell him it was me hahaha, I just awkwardly sat there continuing my work.

Now that this new expansion is happening with the page we will be able to reach more people to inspire them throughout their daily lives! I’m so excited to have this opportunity and be able to learn new phrases in Spanish, apart from the one that I already know ‘wash your hands’… that’s all I’ve got. I say it in a demanding way too… because I like the way it sounds!

If any of my blogging followers like scriptural quotes or inspirational quotes go to Facebook or instagram and like our page! The title is in the picture above! We post almost every day! And if you are Spanish speaking like our sister page, especially now at the beginning for a good laugh when I post things because I won’t know it’s wrong until you tell me or the other owners of the page hunt me down and say ‘that says something totally different in Spanish than in English!’

Enter their darkness to bring them light

I want you to imagine that you’re at home with your kids. You’ve cooked them breakfast and are preparing to send them off to school. Your husband kisses you goodbye as he heads out to work and you load the kids in the car to take them to their studies. Your children engage you in conversation about the abandonment they feel is coming as you approach the school doors. You then console any worries they have by saying you’ll be returning after the last bell rings as you give them goodbye hugs and tell them to mind their manners. As the last child disappears into the school, you feel a freedom you hadn’t before. The day is yours to spend as you choose.

After doing a few chores at home you venture out to town, visiting the post office, library, and finally the market to grab some missing dinner ingredients. You’re in aisle 3 comparing the price vs lbs ratio on some pasta and out of the corner of your eye a lady in scrubs is approaching you holding a cup of pills. It’s odd. She calls you by name but you don’t recognize her. You look around and no longer recognize where you are and you can’t seem to find an exit. The lady in scrubs has a friendly affect and she knows your name so you confide in her, asking where you are and how to get home. You have children to tend to remember… you need to pick them up from school or they’ll be lost and abandoned just as they suspected they would be this morning when you dropped them off!

What you don’t remember that also happened this morning is that your children are now in their fifties, one of which even came to have breakfast with you, your husband has passed away and you’ve been living in a nursing facility for over 10 years. That friendly nurse has brought you a cup of pills to help manage the effects of Alzheimer’s although there is no cure. But that’s just it, you don’t remember these things. This morning you were 40 years younger and you can’t be convinced otherwise. Not with a mirror, not with photographs or videos. This stuff is all some sort of witchcraft to manipulate you. The government has taken you hostage. It’s mind control at its finest.

Approximately 10 years ago I was introduced to this disease while working at a skilled nurses facility. I watched an elderly woman roam the halls for hours searching for an exit, she wouldn’t eat lunch and when dinner came around I tried encouraging it to her and through her blood shot eyes and damp cheeks from the tears shed that day she said, ‘How can I eat when I know my children are out there hungry and waiting for me at home?’ She pleaded with me to help her find her way home. I remember going into the staff lounge that night and praying for peace for this woman.

The ones in the scrubs

Treat the people you do know suffering from this disease with understanding and patience. Enter their reality and do whatever it takes to ease their worries, ‘Billy called he’s staying at your moms tonight because there’s a storm coming, and the bus isn’t running right now so we are giving you a free nights stay here!’ The way you approach this situation could determine the rest of this persons day, make sure you approach it with a kind heart! And heed my warning when I say do NOT try to bring them into your reality, you will not win. This is a disease, their cognitive state has taken them to another time and telling them they cannot leave to go home is a declaration of war. You’ve just put their children’s lives in mortal danger, they will starve or be kidnapped on the way home from school. And if this is the approach you choose to take, be prepared for a fight. These elderly people may not look like they have much fight in them but put a threat like this on their kids lives and you’ll be in a battle for your own soon. That cortisol stress response will turn that frail old lady into a MMA fighter with the snap of a finger. Trust me, I’ve had the wind knocked right out of me… ‘Easy wasper, I’m just trying to love you!’

My inspiration for what I do!

I’ll have to credit my mom for the passion she has instilled in me to love and understand our elders. She was the Attending provider for NHC while I was growing up and often let me round with her. I was able to contract her contagious kindness and knowledge that she has for this disease process. There is nothing more humbling than working in this field. We’ve discovered effective coping strategies and distraction techniques but no cure to this day. So today hold your family closer, cherish the time you have with them and thank God for your cognitive well being. Because in 10 minutes you could be the one waking up in a different time, place, and without your loved ones.